From Humor

Welcome To My Relationship

Oh hi! B and I really weren’t expecting anyone other than ourselves in our relationship, but make yourself at home, I guess. This is the Trophy Case of Previous Fights and Unresolved Issues. We used to keep it hidden away in the garage, but since everyone is always trying to get a peek of it we decided to move it to the living room because it’s something we have to live with. Our guests can glance at it from a comfortable distance, but don’t touch the glass. On the Wall of Memories there you can see all the pictures we’ve…

That Time I Was The Weird Kid At An Event With Bryan Cranston and George Clooney

Let’s jump right in. Act One: Setup I used to act in commercials as a kid, and this got me a nifty membership into the Screen Actors Guild. The years passed and I maintained my membership into my teenage years. When I was 19, I received a letter letting me know that I had been randomly chosen (after about 13 years of membership in SAG) to be part of the group that nominates movies for the awards. Every SAG member can vote for the SAG Awards, but only a few can nominate the movies that other members will ultimately vote…

Oh God, It’s That Week When Your Friend’s Long Distance Boyfriend Is In Town

Ugh, here we go. Your friend Tiffany’s boyfriend Jimmy is in town for this week. Ring the goddamn alarm. You’ve known that he was coming into town this particular week because it’s all that Tiff has talked about for the past three months (you know, since the moment Jimmy left) and now he’s here. Too bad he left his personality behind in Buttfuck County or wherever it is that he came from. You would be totally fine letting Tiffany have her week getting banged into oblivion but for some reason she keeps insisting that you all should hang out together…

Of Course I Know Things About The 2016 Election. I’m Not An Animal!

Oh my gosh, have you guys seen the debates? So many of them. So many. It’s like, we get it, you know? Me? I tried watching one of the Democrat ones but then I got like, real bored, so I just kind of dozed off. But I’m keeping up on Twitter. That’s the power of social media. Trump is like, so not good. He says all these words and I’m like, dude! And then the protestors at his rallies are like whoaaaa. People are punching people! Wow. And it’s like on Twitter? Unfathomable. And Ted Cruz… he’s like so… ! You…

Tell Me More About How Much You Hate Millennials, You Old Fart

If I hear one more middle aged white person tell me how good I have it because I was born in the 90s, I’m going to literally barf so hard I shoot backwards across the room. Thank you, you reptilian artifact of a man, for letting me know I have it super easy as a broke Latina woman simply because I was born around the same time Clinton got inaugurated. My life’s a breeze. I’m being fed grapes as I type this. You are so right, Robert or Jeff or Helen or whatever your leathery name is, I am so…