The News Workout

I went to the gym yesterday for the first time in about four months (thank you, I’ll be signing autographs after this piece) and noticed there were TVs everywhere I looked. This didn’t bother me before and I could tune them out, but now everywhere I looked it was Trump, Trump, Trump. I rolled my... Continue Reading →

10 Sex Positions For This Valentine’s Day

Bowling ball Curl up into a ball, have your partner stick three fingers in you, and have them roll you down your hallway. What could go wrong? *Erkel voice* Did Iiiiiii Do Thaaat? Okay, so you licked your boyfriend’s butthole. It’s fine. It’s Valentine’s Day. You can’t spell “I have E. coli” without “love.” Careless Whisper... Continue Reading →

Ten Surefire Ways To Get Dumped

There are some people you just can’t break up with. You know the ones: they won’t take a hint, they’re going through a major life trauma and you’re the bad guy if you dump them, they’ve got dirt on you and have a petty streak, etc. Sometimes you want them to dump you because all... Continue Reading →

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