Tagged Relationships

Brave Woman Smiles and Nods As Her Personal Choices Are Criticized

LOS ANGELES, CA — Local woman Ellie Guzman was observed this Friday nodding and smiling as her friends judged her life choices. Shortly thereafter, she received a call from the mayor’s office offering her the Key to the City for astounding bravery. “It’s so crazy,” said Ellie’s friend from college Jenny, dabbing at a single tear. “Ellie’s bravery is insane.…

10 Sex Positions For This Valentine’s Day

Bowling ball Curl up into a ball, have your partner stick three fingers in you, and have them roll you down your hallway. What could go wrong? *Erkel voice* Did Iiiiiii Do Thaaat? Okay, so you licked your boyfriend’s butthole. It’s fine. It’s Valentine’s Day. You can’t spell “I have E. coli” without “love.” Careless Whisper…

Ten Surefire Ways To Get Dumped

There are some people you just can’t break up with. You know the ones: they won’t take a hint, they’re going through a major life trauma and you’re the bad guy if you dump them, they’ve got dirt on you and have a petty streak, etc. Sometimes you want them to dump you because all of the bad stuff is on their end, and if you dump them you become the bad guy and no siree, they are the bad guy and you want the world to know it! My boyfriend and I are the result of a failed “How…

Welcome To My Relationship

Oh hi! B and I really weren’t expecting anyone other than ourselves in our relationship, but make yourself at home, I guess. This is the Trophy Case of Previous Fights and Unresolved Issues. We used to keep it hidden away in the garage, but since everyone is always trying to get a peek of it we decided to move it to the living room because it’s something we have to live with. Our guests can glance at it from a comfortable distance, but don’t touch the glass. On the Wall of Memories there you can see all the pictures we’ve…

Oh God, It’s That Week When Your Friend’s Long Distance Boyfriend Is In Town

Ugh, here we go. Your friend Tiffany’s boyfriend Jimmy is in town for this week. Ring the goddamn alarm. You’ve known that he was coming into town this particular week because it’s all that Tiff has talked about for the past three months (you know, since the moment Jimmy left) and now he’s here. Too bad he left his personality behind in Buttfuck County or wherever it is that he came from. You would be totally fine letting Tiffany have her week getting banged into oblivion but for some reason she keeps insisting that you all should hang out together…