INCREDIBLE: Heroic Man Is Brave Enough to Love His Curvy Wife

Move over Richard and Mildred Loving, we’ve got a new pair of star-crossed lovers to celebrate! Local circlejerker Derek UpperDecker just made waves on Instagram by posting an image of his curvy but in a good way (don’t say fat!!! NOBODY SAY FAT!) wife with the most loving caption. As a matter of fact, he posts about her curves all [...]

Brave Woman Smiles and Nods As Her Personal Choices Are Criticized

LOS ANGELES, CA — Local woman Ellie Guzman was observed this Friday nodding and smiling as her friends judged her life choices. Shortly thereafter, she received a call from the mayor’s office offering her the Key to the City for astounding bravery. “It’s so crazy,” said Ellie’s friend from college Jenny, dabbing at a single tear. “Ellie’s bravery is insane. [...]

How to Be an Excellent Hot Mess in Three Easy Steps!

Hey you! Yes you! Life got you down? Thinking of doing a tequila enema?Threw your phone off a freeway bridge in an effort to avoid texting your ex, hit a police car’s windshield by accident, and now you can’t make bail? Does the metal underwire in your bra keep poking out and stabbing you in the armpit? It’s [...]

I Called A Disgusting Plus-Sized Woman Beautiful But She Still Didn’t Blow Me

Help me out here, internet. I just called a grotesque lump of Play-Doh “beautiful” and she didn’t give me head. I don’t know what to do! I am such a good person. I mean, holy shit. I’m a saint! I just told this totally ugly fat chick that she’s beautiful. I’m totally getting into heaven. So why [...]

Future Movies

Action-Comedy: Buff Daddy — this is probably already getting made Papa’s Got His Guns — the lead role will come down to who has the best agent Mr. Nice — he’s a substitute teacher by day, secret agent by night. He kicks ass and knows algebra The Sheriffs — some sheriffs from different towns have to work together to solve something even though [...]

Oh God, It’s That Week When Your Friend’s Long Distance Boyfriend Is In Town

Ugh, here we go. Your friend Tiffany’s boyfriend Jimmy is in town for this week. Ring the goddamn alarm. You’ve known that he was coming into town this particular week because it’s all that Tiff has talked about for the past three months (you know, since the moment Jimmy left) and now he’s here. Too [...]